How to Win, part 2 - What Is Stopping You?

When struggling with an addiction, it's easy to get blinders on. That way lies frustration, dejection, madness, and probably bad breath.

It's all too easy to get wrapped up in combatting the specific problem. It's easy to berate yourself for not having the sheer will-power to say no to the cigarette, the website, the needle, or the Starbucks coffee. I mean, it should be simple - Just Say No, right? You know it's bad for you, you know it will cost more than it will pay in the long run, so why do you keep going back to the addiction? You end up beating yourself up over and over again because you didn't have the will-power to say no, even though you knew you should. But I don't think the real problem is necessarily will-power.

Remember, it's all spiritual. Yes, even the temptation to have that second helping of your sugar/fat combination of choice can be spiritual, if it's an issue of addiction. Spiritual problems can be pretty sneaky, because they're rooted in a very deceptive place - our hearts. They're good at getting tangled up with each other in the darkness, and that makes it hard for us to beat them, because sometimes we're fighting the wrong one.

A breakthrough came for me this past summer. I was at a Christian camp, and I have no idea what the preacher was speaking on at the time, but it suddenly hit me. My problem was pornography. But that wasn't what was stopping me from getting freedom. What was stopping me from getting freedom was pride. It wasn't the thing on the surface, but it was stopping me from ever getting sustainable victory over the thing on the surface.

In I John 2:16, sin is broken down into three main categories: the lust of the flesh (the desire to feel good), the lust of the eyes (the desire to have good), and the pride of life (the desire to be or be seen as good). Pornography, depending on its use, would seem most obviously to fit into one of those first two categories (as would most things recognized as addictions, I suspect). But for me, it was pride that had me fighting in the darkness, entirely apart from the motives for using the porn (which also centered more around pride than you might think).

It was pride which had me thinking I was different than everybody else, and I really could beat this thing on my own. I'd seen it in other people fighting drugs and alcohol, and I'd always shake my head and urge them to get help, to quit trying to do it their own way and start trying God's way. As long as they kept on hanging onto their own attempts at victory while trying to project a good face to everyone around them, they inevitably failed. Yet here I was, thinking I was going to be different - better, stronger, smarter than everyone else. That was pride.

And when I used the porn, I was deluding myself into thinking I was different than all the other fallen pastors and deacons and fathers and husbands I'd known or heard about. I was the one who was going to get away with it. I was the one who was smart enough not to get caught, strong enough not to let it destroy his marriage and ministry. That was pride.

Those two elements of pride had me wrestling this alone in the darkness instead of dragging it out into the light of God. They had me fighting it on my own, instead of telling my wife. And so although I was sinning with pornography, the chains it had me bound in were formed of my own pride.

For me, it was a huge step when I went to God and admitted I wasn't different from everybody else, I wasn't stronger and smarter and better. I had to go to Him and tell Him I'd do whatever He wanted so I could beat this. And then the chains were broken. They're still constantly trying to reform around me... but now I know what they're made of.

Knowing the battle you're in is a huge step toward winning. Identify not just what you're fighting... but what is keeping you from winning.