Stumbles and the Blame Game

This is about the fifth blog post I've started over the span since I last posted. There's a lot on my heart and mind, and a lot going on in the ministry here. But there's something I needed to post before I got back into all of that.

Man, it's hard to admit this, because I know there are people I respect who read this... but I determined to have transparency here. A little while back, I had a few of what folk generally call "stumbles." That's when you go back to the sin... briefly, or to some extent. (How that's different from flat-out falling on your face, I'm not entirely sure - maybe it's because you haven't gone quite as far as you did before, or because you so quickly realize how abominably stupid what you did was and run away from it like a hornet's nest you threw a rock at.) The pattern is still one of consistent victory now, rather than consistent defeat... but the record is no longer unblemished.

As I struggled to quit even the stumbles, I began to realize that they were typically taking place when I was frustrated with my wife. The problems in that relationship, when I didn't handle them properly, spilled right over into another area of weakness.

Marriage is intended by God to protection us from sexual sin (Proverbs 5:15-20 and I Corinthians 7:2-9). When the marriage isn't helping do that, the temptation is vastly multiplied. It's not simply that the walls marriage puts up to protect against those fiery darts are cast down, so that I'm back where I would be if I weren't married. It's worse than that, because it seems a whole new front in the battle is opened, and that weakens the battle lines everywhere. Instead of lacking an ally in the battle, it's being stabbed in the back by your ally. It becomes so easy to think, "If she doesn't want you, she can't complain if you go where there's no rejection."

But so much of that is flawed thinking. Yes, marriage is one means by which God can protect from temptation, and spouses are decidedly responsible for doing what they can to help each other spiritually. But none of us can blame our sin on anyone else. The grace and power of God is sufficient for victory in battle, no matter how many fronts we are assaulted upon. Yes, when we fight the battles in our own strength, it's only a matter of time before the multiplying fronts force us to divide our strength and attention until something gets through somewhere. But when we rely on the power of God, there is no lessening of power on one front because it is needed on another - His supply is infinite.

In reality, the times I sinned were not because my wife let me down. I looked at porn because I became angry my wife let me down. Catch the difference? It wasn't until I did that this series of stumbles stopped. It wasn't her actions that opened the gates for the assault - I unlocked those gates with my wrong reactions.

When stabbed in the back by an ally, we can begin to regard that person as an enemy - but when we turn (even in our thinking) to attack them, we are turning our back on the real enemy. It is far better for me to simply accept the wound, and with that acceptance the healing that God provides, and continue to treat my life's partner with love, even in my thinking. After all, it's not like I've never wounded her, or Him.